You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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