hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
