just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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