I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
