I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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