my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
