i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
