areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize