So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
