and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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