Porn is love you can see.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
