Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
