He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
