boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
