Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
