My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
