This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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