Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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