ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i would one night stand the shit outta him
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
