I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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