I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
