im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
