so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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