I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
