i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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