I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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