She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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