The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
