drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
