Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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