I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
