Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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