It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
