He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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