you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
