i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
