Barsexuality is the new black.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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