There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
