Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
