textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
