My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize