Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
