Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
