hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
