Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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