Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
