I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
