You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have post one night stand depression
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