who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
