it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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