Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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