I wish I could teleport
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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