Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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