Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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