you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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