just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
