Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
