there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
