roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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