I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
