dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
