Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
