You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
