I just cut my nipple shaving
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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