In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
