just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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