i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
