All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
