so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
