GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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