Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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