I could make wine with my vomit
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
