I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
